Saturday
Apr032010
Getting My Hopes Up
Saturday, April 3, 2010 at 11:40PM
All my life, time and time again, I've gotten the impression that getting my hopes up isn't a good thing. I mean, on the one hand, I want to say that I'm a bubbly, uberoptimistic kind of girl, and I am. But I also believe that the universe is bigger than me, and has a crazy plan, and I'm positive there is a plan beneath all the madness.
So, either the universe thinks I'm a complete jackass and that all my plans are meant to be undone, or getting your hopes up is the surest way to see that the complete opposite happens.
But how can that work? I mean, surely there are things that we want that we can actually achieve, right? Or more specifically, I would really appreciate it if there are things that I want that I can get. I do get my hopes up! Hope against hope, wish against wish, I always get my hopes up, and I just can't quit it.
But everytime, I also worry that it's instantly sabotaging myself.
Think of it like the Anti-Secret. You attract whatever you don't expect and can't possibly see coming. I mean, the troublesome thing is that part of me LOVES THAT. It's the stuff you never see coming that feels magical, incredible, enlightening and thrilling. It's that part that makes me feel like there is this universal plan, and I'm part of it and protected by it, that I make foolish or shortsighted plans for myself and eventually, I'm delighted to be proved wrong.
But somethings you just never want to pass you by. I want to be published, and I want to be published in a big way. I'm willing to wait for it, I've BEEN waiting for it, but I want to be a career novelist, and I want stupid things, like a decently working car that has been manufactured sometime less than the past thirteen years, like some steady money, like more things that I don't want to admit I want because, well, that would be getting my hopes up.
Yeah.
Is this crazy? I feel a little crazy and superstitious sometimes, and a little overly concerned that my tiny little thought might effect my life in an overblown way. So let's put it this way: this post is missing everything I don't dare to hope for.
So, either the universe thinks I'm a complete jackass and that all my plans are meant to be undone, or getting your hopes up is the surest way to see that the complete opposite happens.
But how can that work? I mean, surely there are things that we want that we can actually achieve, right? Or more specifically, I would really appreciate it if there are things that I want that I can get. I do get my hopes up! Hope against hope, wish against wish, I always get my hopes up, and I just can't quit it.
But everytime, I also worry that it's instantly sabotaging myself.
Think of it like the Anti-Secret. You attract whatever you don't expect and can't possibly see coming. I mean, the troublesome thing is that part of me LOVES THAT. It's the stuff you never see coming that feels magical, incredible, enlightening and thrilling. It's that part that makes me feel like there is this universal plan, and I'm part of it and protected by it, that I make foolish or shortsighted plans for myself and eventually, I'm delighted to be proved wrong.
But somethings you just never want to pass you by. I want to be published, and I want to be published in a big way. I'm willing to wait for it, I've BEEN waiting for it, but I want to be a career novelist, and I want stupid things, like a decently working car that has been manufactured sometime less than the past thirteen years, like some steady money, like more things that I don't want to admit I want because, well, that would be getting my hopes up.
Yeah.
Is this crazy? I feel a little crazy and superstitious sometimes, and a little overly concerned that my tiny little thought might effect my life in an overblown way. So let's put it this way: this post is missing everything I don't dare to hope for.
Reader Comments (1)
Keeping your cards close to your chest is never wrong. It's downright prudent, and I do feel like the universe rewards a certain amount of overly pessimistic low self-esteem. It's like it wants to prove you wrong when you think you don't deserve something! Just like it wants to cut you down when you get too cocky.
The above is very long-winded and ridiculous, but it's all just to say that I completely share your superstition.